People with emotional self-restraint don’t tend to come unglued in stressful situations. They can manage someone else’s tantrum without becoming angry.
Just because someone holds in emotions doesn’t mean he is coping effectively. Some people don’t react visibly, but their negative emotions come out in other ways.
High blood pressure, headaches, backaches, and other kinds of health problems can be caused by holding negative feelings in. It’s important to understand and release stress.
Emotional Intelligence Skills
There are four important skills that help you keep your emotions in check:
1. Mood management – Some people recognize and control their moods. They change behaviors that cause bad moods. For example, if you know you get grouchy in the afternoons, instead of wasting time being angry, schedule a task you enjoy for the afternoon.
2. Self-understanding – Some people are very aware of their strengths and weaknesses and seek help when appropriate. For example, if one of your co-workers makes you very tense, rehearse before you have to talk to her.
Because you know she makes you tense, it’s important for you to think about what you want from your conversation. If you plan ahead, you won’t get emotional.
3. Calmness under fire – Remaining calm defuses an attacker’s emotions. For example, you might count to ten before you respond to anything an angry customer says. That way you have to think before you speak.
4. Clarity about feelings – People who understand their feelings can manage them. For example, if you know that you get tense when you have to crunch numbers, have someone else check your work so that you don’t worry and end up panicking.
The other person will help you understand where you make mistakes, so, over time, you’ll get better at the task. Having strong self-control doesn’t mean avoiding emotions. It means dealing with emotions effectively.
You can get control over your feelings by gaining understanding. It’s also important to understand your feelings and abilities so you can plan positive actions.
Characteristics of High Achievers
Studies show that successful people share similar behavior. Their actions and attitudes include:
1. Setting challenging goals – People are often more successful because they aim high, while others just squeak by. If you challenge yourself to do the best job you can, your career will probably be more rewarding.
2. Taking calculated risks – High achievers don’t avoid risks, but they don’t leap without looking first. Successful people learn more about what the risk involves – the potential benefits and possible losses. They then weigh the risk vs. the reward.
3. Constantly gathering information – High achievers don’t just settle for the information that lands on their desks. Instead, they look for new developments and trends that may affect their careers. For example, a successful person who works in technology might keep up to date by reading a lot of trade magazines so that he knows about new products ahead of time. He might also develop a professional network to help him stay in touch. That way, he has the benefit of knowing what others hear and think about developing technology.
4. Actively seeking feedback – High achievers aren’t satisfied when they meet the goals they’ve set for themselves. They’re always looking for ways to improve. Feedback is an important part of the improvement process. High achievers actively seek feedback. They don’t avoid negative information about themselves. They seek input, then seek to correct behavior.
If you want to be successful, you can learn from the behavior of other high achievers. Career-savvy workers take calculated risks and constantly scan their environment for new and relevant information.
Those who perform well constantly strive to do better. They set challenging goals. They seek feedback from others and change their behavior.